crawling back...

i can take subtle hint.. i have neglected this blog. dunno why.. could be that my life is horrendously boring?

soo... what have i done since returning...

got horribly drunk in revs and smashed my head into a bar, then wandered round the car park with taylor "trying to find the roof" crying at half 2 while he yelled at me. yelled at me his support mostly. he didn't think i was a cunt..

got horribly horribly horribly drunk on saturday after having what is best described as a breakdown... spent the entire evening crying in my room. alone. like a proper whingy emo bastard. then julz and marie turned up, but by that point i was drinking wine in pints (with squash to assist). headed over to the bar. was sick and taken home by biry at 11. good times.

woke up at 5am and decided i couldn't sleep, so cycling to Granchester was the natural decision. sat in a field by myself for 2 hours. productive. it was strangely calming actually. definitely necessary given the previous evening's total loss of control. i am still a mess. really. but not a dangerous mess, more of a mess that'll be fine.

managed to have a decent conversation with lucy where i set out exactly how i felt and the words came out of my mouth in the order and meaning that they were in my head and heart. that was pleasant as my ability to articulate has been slowly slipping away, when it comes to emotions i don't think it was ever there though! she said she was glad we'd had a talk "that was really productive" but i guess it's easy to view these things as "productive" when you've not had your heart ripped out. or maybe she was being nice. who knows. i sure as fuck don't.

now i am off to the gym. why? i do not know.

tonight.
formal
dancing
drinking
fun times.