3 3

i am choosing to ignore the mess that was tuesday night. given that i know my exact readership this does not seem unreasonable as they know the sitch.

last night however was... interesting...

blogging about it seems rational as i have chosen not to discuss it with anyone, to prevent it becoming more of muddle.

soooo... asked lucy over after she finished her massive library sesh (loser) with the intention of being all "this is too much of a headfuck blah blah blah, i think you like me, but then you say you don't know. how do you not know blah blah blah". so she came over at half 12. we talked, i was nice. as usual. to her anyway, to everyone else i am a cynical bastard... we hugged a lot. then turns out she is all confused about how she feels and thinks it is one of three:

1. she really still likes me and wants to get back together
2. she doesn't and is just confused cos i am being "comforting"
3. she doesn't like me and it's not gonna happen.

emphasis on the first two (from her). so, then she said she needed to do some hardcore thinking, and is gonna take 3 days and then we will have a chat. given my experience over the last few months of these decision times and chats i am not expecting much, but who knows?! she ended up staying over, in a purely platonic, pyjama clad manner, but the cuddling was nice. obvs. and the few kisses were greatly appreciated.

so now i have more of a headfuck for the next three days but then at least i will know exactly where i stand and how she feels, which really is all i have wanted all along. and really, i feel that if she doesn't want it to happen i am finally cool with that and can move on.

we shall see. a sensible person would not put them through this. especially as i had a very disturbed sleep as i am used to sleeping alone. resulting in my one hour nap break becoming a three hour sleep this afternoon, and as a result no work has been done. but do i care? nope. some things are more important than work.

right. out for dublin reunion curry. should be a messy one. in the figurative drinking related sense, hopefully there will not be curry related mess. i like order and manners.

i am a fool. but a together one.